---> I'm Thirsty... where's the water... I thought this was a beach...ARE WE THERE YET? You call this a vacation? Are you nuts?

Friday, October 10, 2014

Well, for the past couple days.. i've been really geeking out using Apple iPhoto and YouTube to make video slideshows of many of my interesting memories.  Why? Well, I used to have a photo area with 45,000 photos taken for many years and I also had a Video area with various movies that I'd produce and send back to family members in New England and do my best to share online. 

Sadly though the upload process to my webserver was brutal and the download to watch them required lots of time and hard drive space to say the least..  Well now I decided to put as much as I can on my very own YouTube channel which is located right here at this address:  (yes, it's made with TinyUrl so you don't have to be stuck with an address that goes around your house about three times)

The idea is to create a video legacy of the moments in my life.. be they good or bad or otherwise.  Some of the people shown in them aren't even alive today as of this writing Friday, October 10, 2014 and it's a cool legacy for them also.  In the old days I used to title each photo of what was going on and who was in it... <very time consuming>  These days I've decided not to waste so much time on it instead focusing on getting the large mass online quickly and easily and fiddle with it later.  Because face it, putting captions on a boatload of pictures is no fun when you're old and have a forgetful brain.

Anyhow..  there's something here for everyone..  Even the peeps who have abandoned me or done me wrong in the past (you know who you are) and I have no malice to share "Bless Your Hearts."  Life is too damn short to live in the past when you have new things to focus on.  I always considered myself just like everyone else but now, I'm not so sure anymore when I see others so amazed at what they see and hear through all this.  Still, I like sharing and will continue to do so even though I might not ever get to meet those of you watching this stuff.   Ta Ta for now...  Bye...

Friday, September 5, 2014

If you're reading this, YOU'RE AN IDIOT !!

Yup, you read that title right.. You're an idiot.. We're all idiots and it's about time that you all faced the fact..  We're all stupid too.  Stupid when it comes to quantum physics, stupid when it comes to brain surgery, and also in many other ways.

Big deal so what! You're always going to be an idiot and you're always going to be stupid on some things but the real question here is ARE YOU IGNORANT?  Do you IGNORE the chance to learn something new? Do you IGNORE that there's more to your simple and sometimes pathetic existence than what you know already?  Yeah dude, that's the real question.

Some say that "ignorance is bliss"  but in reality this ignorant person "chose" not to learn what was presented to him and now chooses to be stupid. He IGNORES the facts even though they're plain as day sitting right there in front of him.   This fucking sux and so does this piece of shit who calls himself a human being.

Let's take this ignorance up a level to all the fighting going on in the world.  Everyone seems to be on some kind of power struggle to be the best, or have the most, or reach the top. Once they get there, the ignorant detach themselves from those less fortunate and lack the love to share wisdom with others.

Kinda like all these fucked up religious wars going on in the world now..  The ignorant teach others to hate anyone and anything that's different than their own beliefs and way of living.  Yup, this is fact.  These idiots who are stupid and lack knowledge become ignorant and choose not to enlighten themselves with the things they don't understand or relate to.  Too afraid to ask for help or direction (like most male humans in the world) the begin a new life filled with hate.  The hate grows until they maim, disfigure, and harm others around them and they do it without a single bit of remorse.

Yah, I'm an idiot for writing this and you're an idiot for reading it.  I wonder just how fucked up your little world is but instead of being filled with dislike or distrust, I know that it's your life not mine and I know that I have to pay more attention to keeping my own shit in order and on the up and up instead of worrying about the shit you do.

However, I have one single poignant rule for my own humanity and that is to destroy anyone who goes out of their way to harm me. Not the guy next to him, but the one who actually commits an act of harm against me.  I will fight to the death with absolutely zero respect or remorse because they chose to invade my peaceful life and do harm. I will use every piece of wisdom I own to crush, conquer, destroy, humiliate, and set an example to others who might wish to do the same.  Best of all I do it all without being paranoid or worry about any repercussion from my actions because it involves ME and THEM.   Should someone else "choose" to engage on their behalf the cycle begins all over again with the new player.

Why are so many people so stupid in this respect..  We were all put on this earth to live our lives, to love our neighbors and to love our creator as well but it seems that there are so many pre-occupied with HATE that they have totally forgotten to love. They don't even love themselves anymore and I find this really sad.

Ya know, I respect everyone I meet..  I don't have to like them all but I at least know what the world compassion and sharing means. So how many of you Idiots reading this do the same?  No, don't pull you "go to church every Sunday" bullshit cuz you were probably the same asshole who slammed on his brakes and waved his fist at the old lady who almost hit him in the parking lot.  You don't respect others when it's "Convenient" for you. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME ASSHOLE!!!

Here in 2014 we have half the middle east fighting and killing each other because of what church they belong to.  How fucking funny is that?   Ohhh and we have black peeps in Africa who will die from Ebola, a deadly virus with no "cure" as of yet.  Maybe we should pick them up by the plane load and drop them off in Syria, Iraq, and the other nations consumed with hate and fighting..  Yeah, even Israel the home of Christ the savior.   It would make things real simple..   The people would either drop their guns and put their heads and bank accounts together for solutions or they will die from their own infected ignorance.   Wow, what a concept huh??    Wouldn't that be a true testament of humanitarianism!   I wonder if I'm the only one on the planet who thought of this?

Now read this right, I'm not saying we should extract the virus and use it to infect others...   Nope, I'm saying just fill a few planes with infected peeps and just re-populate them in these fighting areas.  Nature will do the rest all on it's own.  Nature is a funny thing like that ya know..   It doesn't know anything about love and hate or life and death. It just doesn't care, kinda like some of the rich folk these days who also don't care.

Yup, you're an idiot and I'm an idiot.. I just think with a wider outlook than others but that still doesn't make me any better of an idiot than you.  Just different, and different is good. Imagine what our lives would be like if we didn't have DIFFERENT stuff.  Imagine if we only had ONE COLOR! First, the very concept of a color or a word to describe it would no longer exist because there would be nothing to compare it to. Nothing at all.  Think about it. What's the color of nothing?

With difference comes contrast. Love and Hate contrast each other.  They're absolutes.  There's nothing hate'yer than hate or love'yer than love.   In the case of absolutes, if you eliminate one than it immediately eliminates the other because there is no longer a contrast to compare it to.  Pretty fucking deep huh?

Some days I wish I had a huge magick wand that I could wave and put the entire world into one big "Do-Over" mode.  Kind of like, a retro time-warp that we go back in time and start over but retain all of the historical knowledge we have today.  I wonder how ignorant people would "choose" to be or how much more we would grow.  Would we become more paranoid saying shit like "Don't do remember what happened the last time" to others around us?  Or would we just live a more loving and compassionate life sharing wisdom and experiences with others?

Ahh well, enough of this rambling and questionable thought.  I have a fucked up life of my own dealing with health issues, friendship/loneliness issues, financial issues and so on.  Still it's kind of refreshing being able to journal/vent things on this blog.  Until the next time I guess...  bye...

Friday, August 22, 2014

Busy Day Organizing and Collecting

Busy day today doing lots of organizing and collecting of my pagan book of shadows stuff..

The big focus was putting together a bunch of Kabbala stuff for my teacher to share with the other students in my group.  I had gotten it about 10 years ago and apparently she can no longer find her pile in her office so I said I would hunt my stuff down, scan it, and pass it on for her to add back to the library. 

Me and my big mouth, what an EFFING job fighting the POS Neat Scanner and associated software.  First I had to dig the thing outta the garage, then clean it all off..  Then re-install the software only to find that the crap won’t work with Apple OS X 10.10.   Oiy, such fun..  So after about two days I ripped the thing apart and threw it in the trash..  then I deleted every remnant of the MAC and the Windows software promising that I will *NEVER* do business with the Neat company again.

Then my wonderful huz (God I love him so!) went out to Amazon and got me a “Doxie Go” portable scanner that runs cordless and saves to an SD card.

In the meantime, until it gets here, I can go through all of my stuff (a pile of binders about 2.5 feet high that I collected over 15 years) and put the handouts in order so they can be scanned and shared.

Now, next time we have an elder’s MA’AT class we will all be in sync once again.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Goodbye To The Wagners!

Back in February me and my Huz posted messages about changing our names.  Since that time, I have gotten lots of positive feedback but I've also gotten questions from others who never read the articles.  Soooo I decided to post both of them right here for people to be able to scan. 


Well, it's in motion... After a long discussion with my husband, he's decided to change his name and do away with any remaining connections to his adopted "Wagner" family and to also alter his first name from Winfield to his initial birth name of Sven. I think this is a wonderful idea for emotional closure since his parents are gone and those who remain are oblivious to the world LOVE or FAMILY.
Since we're legally married in Washington DC, he asked if I wanted to change my name also. I assumed Wagner about 20 years ago when my sexually abusive, drug addicted step father (Sande) croaked.
So I thought for awhile and since his name is going to be Sven Andréas Wallin, I decided to move mine to Rikard Michael Wallin.
Rikard, (isn't that so awesomely exotic and cool?) and I can still be Rik for short so people don't have to call me a new name...
So there you have it FB Peeps!! My new name will become Rik Wallin over the coming months.. (by the way, in Sweden the name Wallin sounds like Vall-een)


Naming Convention

Posted on Saturday, February 1st, 2014 at 11:42

Sven WallinWow, that was basi­cally an auto­bi­og­ra­phy,” my friend John said after he read my book, BRENTTHE HEART READER.
Busted. Brent’s fam­ily is full of goody two-shoed Duck’tards, who exude

 homo­pho­bia. Their idea of fun included phys­i­cal and emo­tional abuse and at least one case of man-on-boy rape. I’m not a “real rel­a­tive” accord­ing to them.
I lifted much of that from my expe­ri­ence with the rel­a­tives of the cou­ple that adopted me. They res­cued me from fos­ter care, and I am as grate­ful for that as I know how to be. “The sys­tem” was awful. Thank good­ness I only spent six years there. Almost imme­di­ately after I was adopted, I was diag­nosed with Hodgkin’s Lym­phoma, and the cou­ple that adopted me got me the best med­ical care that was avail­able. I will be grate­ful to them for that (and all the other things they did) as long as I live.
Brent: the Heart Reader
They’ve been dead for 10 years (mom) and 12 years (dad). That left me with a bunch of cousins who were able to abuse me with impunity. Way back, mom kept her rel­a­tives in line.
Those peo­ple hate gays and lib­er­als and peo­ple with scary health issues. I was always the Black Sheep in the fam­ily, accord­ing to them. Now with­out my adopted parental units, they got together and labeled me a dis­eased pariah. They came out of church and called my hus­band all kinds of deplorable things.
All that sounds like the rel­a­tives in BRENTTHE HEARTREADER. I humil­i­ated those abu­sive

 char­ac­ters in the book. I had some of them arrested and killed off one or two. It was great therapy.
Old say­ing: Don’t mess with an author because he can make the world laugh at you.
Now that my adopted par­ents are gone for more than a decade, I have no con­nec­tion with any of their rel­a­tives. In the­ory, I have a half-brother run­ning around some­where. He’d be a lit­tle older than me, but I’ve never heard any inkling

 that he even knows about me. My birth mother is dead, and I know almost noth­ing about the sperm donor. It was prob­a­bly a one night stand.
All I know about my per­sonal his­tory is that I am 100% Swedish. I remem­ber that they called me Sven before I was adopted.
So now, I’ve decided to fin­ish cut­ting the ties with all those peo­ple in my adopted fam­ily. They hate me, which is their loss. Peo­ple who know about atti­tudes say cut­ting the remain­ing ties will be therapeutic.
In the com­ing weeks, I’m going through the court sys­tem to get my name changed.
There won’t be a Win­field Wag­ner any more. My nick­name – Wynn Wag­ner – will become a nom de plume

 (or nom de guerre).
New name: Sven Andréas Wallin.
  • First name is what my actual name was.  Sven means kid or young one.
  • Mid­dle name – Andréas – is a form of Andrew. I really like Andréas.
  • Last name will be Wallin because my hus­band likes it. The name means val­ley or pasture.
My ini­tials will be SAW, which is a lit­tle snarky (cut­ting device, not the ocu­lar pro­ce­dure). The e-acute in my mid­dle name is on the edge of snooty, so that’ll be fun.
What I’m not used to is that the world is full of peo­ple named Sven Wallin. I am used to hav­ing free access for user names because nobody claims “wyn­nwag­ner” or “win­field­wag­ner”. Sadly “sven­wallin” is already in use at all the major web ser­vices. The world is crawl­ing with Sven Wallin peeps. On a recent check, I was lit­er­ally trip­ping over “sven­wallin” user names, so I will have to get used to being part of a crowd.
The name every­body knows – Wynn Wag­ner – will be my pen name. Sven Andréas Wallin will be my legal name.
The coolest part is that my hus­band is chang­ing his name too, so we will con­tinue shar­ing our fam­ily name. This time, It is OUR fam­ily name. Awwwww.….